he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
