Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
