Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
