just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
