We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
