remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
