I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
