we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
