peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
