what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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