you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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