I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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