Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
