My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
