Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
