On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
barbara walters just said penis...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
