THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
how does that bad decision feel?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
