Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
