Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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