come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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