I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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