Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
