she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Boobs are out for the taking
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
