Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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