He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry about my life...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
