You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
