I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
