If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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