i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
These tits shall not be calmed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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