Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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