You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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