despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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