What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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