If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
false alarm, still single
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
