Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
