You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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