Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
