I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just gift wrapped bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
