Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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