Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
