i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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