What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
