We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
