lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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