i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
