If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
