its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
