You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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