the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
