Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
