Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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