So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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